melissaperea

Cymbalta – Depression Hurts

Published on March 4, 2011 by melissaperea8 Comments

If there was one word that would be considered an antonym of my life I think depressed would work quite well. There is hardly a day where I do not have a smile on my face and even on my worst days I feel like I can still make the sun shine out of my ass (props to Diablo Cody and Juno’s Father – one of my favorite lines in that movie and my apologies to those who think ass is a rather terse word – I am quoting someone else so be mad at them).

Anyway to get back to the point at hand depression. Apparently depression hurts and Cymbalta can help. I used to think commercials for medicine that healed depression were for the weaklings of the world who just couldn’t get their lives together and be happy. Now after having a baby and experiencing early onset Postpartum Depression aka The Baby Blues I humbly apologize to those who are affected by depression every day. It’s no laughing matter.

I know most of us have all heard the term “Postpartum Depression” and generally its not something most people, I think, would like to admit having. I don’t know why the world we live in likes to sugar coat everything in life and make it seem that everything is peaches and cream. Because guess what… it isn’t. If I truly tried to describe to you all how I felt during the first 3-4 weeks of Eliana’s life I am afraid I might scare some of you away from ever having kids. But I think I am going to take my chances and risk telling the truth instead of candy coating it. This way if you find yourself in similar shoes you won’t think your a crazy bad person who doesn’t love their child and is on the brink of a mental breakdown. So be forewarned my words might act as birth control.

So let’s begin with the definition of Postpartum Depression (PPD). PPD is a temporary depression related to pregnancy and childbirth. It comes in two forms: early onset, commonly referred to as the “baby blues,” and late onset. The early-onset type is mild and may affect as many as 80% of women after they deliver. It starts after delivery and usually resolves within a couple of weeks without medical treatment. The later-onset form is what most people think of as “postpartum depression”. This more severe form is usually recognized several weeks after delivery. Overall it affects about 10%-16% of women.

I place myself in the “baby blues” department of PPD, however I believe I teeter-tottered towards late-onset PPD, but thankfully was able to pull it together after 4 weeks. For those of you have truly experienced a prolonged form of late-onset PPD… I do not envy you. The medical world describes symptoms of the “baby blues” as including sadness, anxiety, tearfulness, and trouble sleeping. These symptoms usually appear within several days of delivery and go away within 10-12 days post delivery. Usually the only treatment needed is reassurance and some help with household chores and the care of the baby.

I say usually because this is where I place myself between the baby blues and late-onset PPD. I don’t even know if I can fully describe how I felt since feelings can be so subjective, but basically life sucked and I wasn’t prepared.

Since Eliana was in the NICU for her first week that part wasn’t that bad. However weeks 2, 3 and 4 felt like I was in the twilight zone. Everyone tells you to sleep all you can before you deliver because you will never sleep again. There is some major truth to that statement. But it’s so much more than that. Not only was I physically exhausted from the lack of sleep and from breastfeeding, but I felt like I was mentally losing it. I remember taking a walk with Hector while my sister was watching Eliana and I just started to cry. I had so many emotions streaming through me and I was afraid that if I was honest with him he would be scared and think that I really was losing it (even though I sort of was).

For starter’s I felt very little love towards Eliana. I knew I loved her, but loving her was a whole different ball game. All she did was feed, sleep, cry, poop and repeat. It sounds simple enough, but I really started to believe that I was not cut out for motherhood. I started to rethink my plans of having a big family and I started feeling the worst anxiety and fear that it was going to be like this forever…… and ever…… and ever. My life as I knew it had ended.

I tried really hard to play it cool those first few weeks. Whenever we had company over I put a smile on my face and some blush on my cheeks. I tried my hardest to look like the happy new mother who was utterly enraptured in her child, but inside I felt this big dark expanse of emptiness. Thankfully the days were easier then the nights, but the nights… oh the nights. They were hell on a shiny silver platter.

I started to wonder how in the world people had more then 1 child…

And then it was Sunday, the last day I would have Hector with me before he went back to work. The internal tears of fear were flowing and I felt a flood was about to ensue. I told him I had no idea how I was going to survive without him. Luckily, I have an amazing husband who had zero doubt in my ability to take care of our child, but I on the other hand had all the doubt in the world. That first Monday came and went and somehow I did survive.

My exact situation might have been worsened considering the extent to which delivering Eliana had destroyed me downstairs. I read a lot about other women who had undergone severe tearing and that it was common to have depression. I mean when peeing and pooping (life’s simplest tasks) become as time consuming and exhausting as running a marathon its no wonder one would start to have an Eeyore complex.

However, with the bad definitely came the good. At 4 weeks Eliana finally gave me my first real smile. Not a gas induced crinkling of her lips that you thought was a smile. And it was like all my fears, insecurities, worries, frustrations and exhaustion just melted away. It was at that moment that I finally fell IN love with my daughter. She also started sleeping through the night right around that time and it was MAGNIFICENT.

Sometimes I wonder why in the world God would make those first weeks/months so difficult for parents. I mean I understand the whole pain in childbirth situation, but couldn’t we get a small reprieve after accomplishing something as wonderful as BIRTHING a child?! But now I see that its all a part of the big picture. If it wasn’t hard, if we didn’t lose sleep, if it was as easy as pie – then our love for our children wouldn’t be as fierce as God had intended. We would take them for granted and we wouldn’t go to the ends of the earth to protect them and provide for them. Because I can tell you wholeheartedly without a single doubt in my mind I would give up ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for that little 15lb chunker sleeping just mere steps away from me.

My Lexus? Here are the keys. Our condo? let me just shine those floors for you first. Our beautiful San Diego location? cars packed and I am ready to move… To Minnesota in the Winter? sounds superb! Trips to the mall? Vacations? Fancy Restaurants? Whatever you want… its yours as long as I get to keep her.

So when I look back at weeks 2, 3 and 4 of her life I can still see the dark cloud that hovered above me, but I can also see the sun trying to break through. I wish I had been more prepared for what to expect during those first few weeks, but in the end I am glad to know that life has only gotten sweeter.

People complain and say that kids change things and that life will never be the same. But isn’t that the whole point? Ask most people over 80 years of age if they could be 21 forever and they would say No. Every season in life has its time and its place. I would hate to look back at my life and regret not having kids just so that I could sleep more or travel more or have a higher disposable income. Life is about relationships and the things you do with people through those relationships. I would hate to be on my death bed and have my final thoughts be… “Well at least I drove a bad ass Ferrari”.

Although if I could have all of thee above and a Ferrari I wouldn’t complain.

Just sayin 🙂

Romance isn’t Rocket Science

Published on February 18, 2011 by melissaperea4 Comments

To all the men out there…

Here’s a little lesson in Romance.

When I married Hector I thought we knew each other pretty well. Now fast forward almost 5 years into our marriage and I stand corrected. Sometimes I think he knows more about me then I know about myself. It’s scary.

So on with the lesson.

Neither one of us are really huge on Valentine’s Day, but we generally do something little to commemorate the holiday. I think its just a fun day to show everyone you care about that you love them. So this year, now that we have a kid and all we decided to share one thing that we love about each other every day for the 14 days leading up to Valentines Day. It was pretty fun and we started learning more about how we value one another. The best part was that Eliana was having a pretty rough time sleeping well at night during those 14 days and it was starting to wear on me so since we shared our reason right before bed, it gave me something to look forward to other then a sleepless night. However on day 10 my husband surprised me.

The night before happened to be an exceptionally rough night with Eliana. She was waking up every hour or 2 and before Hector left for work he stopped to give me a kiss and see how I was doing. Apparently I looked horrible and he asked me if I was going to be okay. I just nodded and rolled over. Since E was still asleep I wasn’t going to miss out on precious minutes of uninterrupted zzzzz’s. I can discuss my lack of sleep with him later. So he leaves for work and I am still in bed. About 20 minutes go by and Eliana decides to wake up. A happy awake, but nonetheless awake. So I got my grumpy irritated self out of bed and tended to my child’s needs. It wasn’t like she was going to feed herself (although I keep hoping for a miracle).

I drag my feet over to her bed and of course she is smiling and so I smile back (3 months old and she is already manipulating my moods). I spend about 4 seconds smiling and cooing at her until I see this bright orange wrapper laying on top of her. I grab it to see what it is …

Yuuuuuummeeeeeee. It was 9:30am so what did I do with my new found surprise? I opened it and ate it of course. If this was Hector’s way of putting me in a better mood… it worked. At this point I didn’t know if the Reese’s was his way of saying I love you or his way of making me still love Eliana even though she was being a giant booger when it came to sleeping. So after I chowed that puppy down I headed to the fridge because I was desperately in need of some milk.

I open the fridge and to my surprise again I find…

Now, my first guess was that he bought 2 Reese’s hearts. One for me and one for himself. The one for him he placed in the fridge. A completely logical explanation for heart #2, but then I thought what if there is more?? So after I ate heart #1 I drank some milk and then thought long and hard about it and decided to wait on eating heart #2 in case it was in fact for him. So I proceeded with my normal routine and low and behold…

Heart # 3!! Now I was super excited 🙂 I knew if he had taken the time to hide 3 then there had to be more. So what did I do? I went back to the fridge and ate heart # 2 of course. Only because now I knew for sure it wasn’t waiting for him to get home. And to follow with heart # 3, came 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and eventually 9.

#4 Under Harley’s leash because he knew eventually I would walk her.

#5 In Harley’s food because well eventually I would feed her too.

#6 Eliana’s Diaper Caddy – which apparently needed to be filled with more diapers.

#7 – The computer because in all honesty I am on this thing 5+ hours each day.

#8 Eliana’s Boucer because when I get tired of holding her she goes here 🙂

#9 was eventually hand delivered at the end of the day when he came home from work. Why 9 you ask? because we have spent the last 9 Valentine’s Day loving each other. Seriously I was melting. On top of that he bought me flowers the next day. And not your V-day $19.99 2 dozen red rose special – he bought me tulips 🙂 He looked for peonies first (which are my favorite), but apparently they cost $20 a stem right now and are hard to find.

He chose 5 pink ones for the years we have been married and

4 yellow for the years we were dating.

So to put it in the simplest of terms I was melting like butter in a microwave. The fact that he thought about what I do every morning when I wake up to get through my day was just precious. So this leads me back to my point… Romance isn’t Rocket Science. Husbands, boyfriends, significant others etc. it doesn’t matter if you have been together for 1 year or 50 years knowing how to romance your wife is worth its weight in gold.

Hector definitely knows me. I like thought put into gifts. I don’t like the most expensive thing on the market (however a girl does appreciate sparkly things). So even though I doubt he will read this I just have to tell you honey – Best Valentine’s Day Ever (although v-day #1 was pretty awesome too, props to Daniel Ambler). He also bought me a Kindle which is something I never knew I needed, but always wanted and now that I have it am trying to figure out how I ever lived life before without it. You know what I mean?

So anyhow sometimes a girl has to brag about how amazing her man is 🙂 not for my sake, but for his. I hope this somehow goes full circle and gets back to him. Because hearing how tickled I was from someone else is even better then hearing it directly from me.

Part 2: My gift to Hector

So I will admit I am a horrible gift-giver when it comes to my husband. He likes nice, expensive things and has a very specific taste so whenever I set out to buy him something nice I almost always fail. A part of me has given up and most of the time I just take him shopping with me so he truly gets what he wants. However, if there is one area where I do succeed its in making him gifts. In the past I have made him picture collages, framed poetry, artwork etc. I hadn’t made him something in awhile because I thought he preferred nice, expensive things, but he made a comment one day about how I hadn’t made him anything in awhile. Soooo I set out to make my first iMovie about our last year together and I got the exact reaction I was hoping for… sniff sniff ; )

Here is the direct link in case the embedded version is slow
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dr34HxLoNXw

Postpartum and 2 months

Published on February 2, 2011 by melissaperea2 Comments

So its been 2+ months since Eliana was born and I can officially say that I am already excited to be pregnant again some day. Not anytime soon, but within the next few years. The first few weeks were definitely an adjustment, but by week 4 I felt like I had a pretty good grasp on things. And now I am loving it 🙂

So I thought since I gave updates about how the pregnancy was going I would give an update about how the post-pregnancy was going 🙂

When I was admitted for Eliana’s delivery I weighed about 175lbs. I was teetering on the 50lb mark as far as weight gain goes. Eeeek. When you hear that your suppose to gain between 25 and 35 I was a little worried that I was gonna be permanently huge even after she came out. However, it was somewhat comforting to know that she was on the large end as far as babies go and apparently I had a placenta that was double the average size (about 4lbs). So I lost 15lbs in just the delivery alone when you consider fluid loss as well. So that put me at 160. Still pretty scary considering I am only 5’6”.

Within the first 2 weeks I lost another 15lbs. I am not sure if other women experienced this but I was a sweat machine. Especially at night when I slept. I seriously felt like I had to take 10 showers a day. It was gross. I would wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat. I definitely don’t miss that. However at the 2 week mark I sort of hit a plateau and stopped losing weight. So I was at 145 and I stayed there for about 3 more weeks. I was a little bummed that I still had 20lbs on me that didn’t seem to want to leave. Especially when some women only gain 20lbs during their entire pregnancy.

Needless to say I attempted at putting my old jeans on 5 weeks postpartum. Not a good idea. Those suckers wouldn’t even budge over my hips (which might I mention had widened to about the size of the Titanic). I honestly felt there was no way they would ever go back to normal. I had a good 5 inches between the button on my jeans and the button hole. It seemed an impossible request that the button would ever meet that hole again. Pretty depressing.

So I decided to toss those suckers at the bottom of my drawer and forget about them. My maternity jeans still fit me and I figured I would just sport those for the next year or decade if need be. So life carried on and I continued to breastfeed and decided to not concern myself with the scale or my old jeans. Life was good.

It wasn’t until maybe a few days ago when my sister and Hector both complained that I looked ridiculous in my maternity jeans that I decided to try on my old jeans. First I stepped on the scale out of curiosity and sure enough I had dropped 10 more pounds!! I was looking at 135lbs and I was ecstatic. I still had doubts that the jeans would fit considering my hips still looked freakishly wide. But to my surprise (albeit with a little manhandling and special maneuvering) my jeans fit!! I did have to do some lunges and squats to loosen them up a bit, but hey I got them buttoned without having to deal with a muffin top. Success at last.

At this point I don’t really care/want to lose any more weight any time soon. I know I need to keep on some weight to continue breastfeeding and that over the next few months it will probably go away as I start to exercise again and get back into a healthy routine. So word to the wise Breastfeeding is amazing!! And not everyone fits into the 25-35lb weight gain range. My body gained exactly what it needed to (apparently exactly what it needed to created a 9lb 3oz mammoth baby). As long as your not overeating and chowing down on sweets each day I would say trust your body, it knows what its doing.

Now onto the more delicate issue my “downstairs” situation. To be honest the first 3 weeks after delivering her weren’t that bad. However I think my nerve endings started to come back around week 4 and then let’s just say things got uncomfortable. I ended up going in for a minor procedure to fix my situation and then I finally started feeling better. Having to deal with a 4th degree tear is not fun. I might even go as far as to say that the postpartum healing was way worse then my 33 hours of labor. Either way I am glad both are over. Because I can officially say I feel “almost” normal again. I am not sure if things will ever be the same down there, but considering what a vaginal birth can do to you I think that’s to be expected.

So for now things are amazing and I have nothing to complain about 🙂 Except however for the lack of one small 3 letter word in my life. We still haven’t tried that yet. I was thinking a good solution would be Valentine’s Day, a giant bottle of wine and lots of glide from my good friend Astro. I mean if we ever want to have child #2 its eventually gonna have to happen. Right?

Wish me luck.

Etsy Finds

Published on January 8, 2011 by melissaperea3 Comments

I had so much fun writing and sharing my last post about my Etsy finds I figured I would continue with a new post here and there once I find enough things to share. So here is what I have found since my last post. I hope you enjoy!

**p.s. for those of you who love to give unique gifts you really should try Etsy. Seriously I was looking for something to send my friend Jeanne for her 27th birthday and she happens to have this thing for purple hippos. Random I know, but that’s Jeanne. So I went onto Etsy and did a search for anything related to purple hippos and dozens of items came up. Seriously awesome. So I ended up buying her a pair of purple hippo earrings. When you really think about it I am sure you can come up with something unique that they people you love would love. Honestly who doesn’t love a gift that shows a lot of thoughtfulness. I do!

Owl Hat

I seriously died when I saw this. Soooo creative!!

Hippo Hat with matching doll

Now this will have to be purchased for my friend Jeanne if she happens to have a daughter in the near future. Although I bet she would wear it herself as well! I did get her purple hippo earrings for her birthday, but this might be a little too much.

Owl Plushie

Last One…

Published on January 3, 2011 by melissaperea3 Comments

This will be my last post centered on Eliana until my next post 🙂 haha j/k. No, but seriously I promise this will be my last post about Eliana for awhile. I have so many other things I want to share as well. However, this morning as I was going through my photos I found this one that I hadn’t really taken notice of before and for some reason I just loved it.

My Dearest Eliana,

So much has changed in life since you came into this world. One of the most obvious is mama’s body. Let’s just say you have left your mark on me. But I don’t regret it and in fact I am trying to embrace it. For your smile alone justifies the changes.

The endless hours I used to spend enraptured in a book are now spent playing and cuddling with you. Do I miss my paperbacks? Of course, but do I miss them enough to regret having you… Never.

Freedom also has a new meaning. I can no longer jump in the car at a moment’s notice and take off to do whatever I want. I can no longer ride a bike (well at least for a few more weeks/months). I can no longer go out clubing and dance the night away with my girls… Oh wait I never did that. I can no longer…. hmmm… well I can no longer….. huh…. let’s see I am sure there is way more stuff that I can no longer do now that I have you. I can no longer . . . . well I guess its really not that bad.

On the other hand I can take a nap whenever you take a nap and it be fully justified. I can go weeks on end without cleaning or cooking and no one will complain or blame me. I am actually suppose to sit and play with you for hours on end instead of running errands. I can play dress up with you, bathe you, swing you, nap with you, take a walk with you, go to the park with you, have a lunch date with you, really do anything that involves you and my day will be considered full of accomplishments. So in reality Eliana, THANK YOU for giving me a break from my previously hyper-scheduled life. And also teaching me that if my house isn’t clean from top to bottom 24 hours a day 7 days a week life will not end. You essentially haven’t made my life harder. In actuality you have made it much easier.

So dearest daughter of mine please know that I love you and I am so glad we are Team Pink. You have only made our lives that much sweeter.

Love always,

Mommy

When life gives you lemons…

Published on December 28, 2010 by melissaperea1 Comment

Eliana’s Birth Story: Part II Life in the NICU

My friend April would probably ask for a knife, cut the lemon in half and start licking or sucking it. Especially if it was a Meyer’s lemon because those are her favorite. However, as the saying goes

“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade”

I don’t think anyone gets pregnant and then anticipates there to be complications after delivering. Especially when you happened to be blessed with the easiest pregnancy ever. So when the nurse decided to tell us that Eliana was having difficulties breathing and that she wasn’t getting enough oxygen into her lungs we weren’t really prepared to have them wheel her away to the NICU. Most definitely not after barely meeting her and spending all of 3 hours with her.

But oddly enough as much as I was scared and worried about how bad her breathing “difficulties” really were I had peace. They took her at about 10:30pm to run tests and x-ray her chest. We were able to see her around midnight. I think this is where it finally hit me. We walked into the NICU and saw dozens of babies all preemies and all roughly under 2 lbs. Then we turn the corner and see our daughter weighing in at 9 lbs 2 oz. If I thought she looked big before she officially looked ginormous. Just across from her were a set of twins whose combined weight was under 3 lbs. All I could think was MY DAUGHTER doesn’t belong here. She is a full term, hefty and healthy baby. But then we see her in the little NICU bed surrounded by an air tent and hooked up to monitors and an iv and with a heating lamp over her and we both sort of lost it.

As a new mother I wanted to keep my cool and not lose it in front of dozens of other parents whose children were literally fighting for their lives. However Hector, as a first time Dad who felt it was his right to protect his daughter and make sure she was safe and secure, just started weeping. Then my heart broke. We couldn’t touch her or hold her or do anything to let her know we were there and that she was safe and that all would be okay. I tried to be the super positive one telling Hector that this was a minor hiccup and that everything would be fine (not really knowing whether or not it would be). At this point I just had to trust in God. I mean He was the one who brought her into this world and if I was going to get peace and understanding from anyone it would be Him.

It was at this point that I realized how hard it must be to lose a child. Eliana was no where near dying, but obviously when you don’t know what’s going on you think the worst and then it just seems to eat away at your brain. I literally couldn’t fathom what I would do if I lost her. I mean we only knew her for a few hours, but seriously all the time and effort it takes to create a child is no simple task. I couldn’t help but feel that the last 10 months would all be in vain if they couldn’t make her better.

At midnight that night they started her on antibiotics just “in case” she had an infection. The x-ray showed cloudy fluid filled lungs and they had anticipated pneumonia. But no one really knew so besides the antibiotics all we could do is wait. We left her in the NICU and headed back to my room to get some sleep. Or shall I say try and get some sleep.

The next morning was better and worse. We obviously didn’t call our family at midnight to tell them she had been admitted, so we had to let everyone know they couldn’t come and visit. The NICU rule was one visitor at a time with one parent at all times. This doesn’t really make for an easy visit when you have dozens of family and friends who want to see her. Especially when your not allowed to hold her or touch her. And of course your family hears NICU and they automatically freak out and want to be there immediately. It was not how I anticipated her first few days. She spent the remainder of Sunday in the air tent and was hooked up to an iv. I was pumping in order to be able to breastfeed her once she was off the air tent. At 10pm that night we went back to the NICU and her tent was gone. The Dr. felt she was improving greatly and even invited me back at 11pm to feed her. It was a huge blessing to be able to hold her and touch her and especially feed her. And boy was she hungry : )

The following day we had a minor setback when they wanted to put in a PIC line through her umbilical cord. If she was going to be on antibiotics for the week they thought it was best to put in a central line instead of a local iv because those close easily in infants and have to continuously be re-done which means tons of poking. When they did this they apparently went to far and tickled her heart twice which made her heart skyrocket to 250bpm. One of these episodes happened when Hector was there visiting her and he was asked to leave as a slew of doctors try to lower her heart rate. Not Cool. He came back to the room freaking out because now they thought she had a heart problem. Even though later they determined it was just because of the central line. Grrrr. I know Dr.’s aren’t perfect and everyone makes mistakes, but if there is one complaint I have about the UCSD NICU its the inconsistency of medical reporting/opinions from Dr’s on different shifts. SOOOO FRUSTRATING.

Another example of this frustration was them giving us false hope. The nurse decided to tell us on Tuesday that she was doing so well and had such a comeback that they thought we might be able to take her home on Wednesday afternoon. We both almost peed our pants. Home before Thanksgiving!!! Even though they told us on Sunday that under NO circumstances would she be leaving before the following Sunday. She continued to do well throughout Tuesday and when we came back Wednesday morning to listen to the Dr’s reports they decided to deny her discharge. We were pissed.

Not to mention they were so certain of her early discharge that they removed her central line and started going through discharge paperwork with us. When they told us no we asked why and they said she had 2 episodes of desat’s Tuesday night. A desat is where her oxygen saturation falls below a certain level. (sorry if my medical terms or spelling are totally incorrect). So they now were going to keep her until Sunday afternoon NO MATTER WHAT. I just rolled my eyes and gave the Dr. a mean look. We were both upset. She was completely healthy and doing just fine. She had no reason to be there and we felt that if they weren’t 100% sure about discharging her early then they shouldn’t have told us and on top of that they shouldn’t have removed her central line because Hector had to hold her for 45 minutes why they poked her over a half dozen times trying to get another port in for her meds. Which SHOULDN’T have been needed if they would’ve kept her central line in, but they DIDN’T because they felt that strongly about her going home. UGHHHH!!!!!!

Anyhow we eventually got over it and decided to just deal with the situation. However each day that went by we got more and more pissed that she was still in the NICU. She continued to have desats the remainder of her stay, but apparently they were just incorrect readings from the monitor. Which makes us think that those 2 random ones on Tuesday night were also just incorrect readings from the monitor because she never actually had a legitimate desat ever again. GRRRRRR

Well on Friday we started to get anxious and antsy and just plain pissed that we were being told different things from different Dr.’s and after we started analyzing everything that they were telling us we realized that they had miscalculated the doses of her meds. From day 1 they said she needed 7 days of med treatment. She got her first round on midnight Saturday night which meant that her last round would be administered Friday at midnight NOT Saturday at midnight. When we discussed this with the Dr.’s Friday they just look dumbfounded and she counted 7 nights of treatment in front of me ending Saturday at midnight. I then proceeded to count on my fingers in front of her Saturday Midnight 1, Sunday Midnight 2, Monday Midnight 3, Tuesday Midnight 4, Wednesday Midnight 5, Thursday Midnight 6 and Friday Midnight 7. She proceeded to say they would double check that with her charts. UGHHHH Hector and I were both at our wits end and we just wanted her home.

Needless to say she came home Saturday at 10am! Haha we won. It may seem that we fought and bickered over 1 day which doesn’t seem like a lot, but that was one day less we had to travel back and forth 5x in a day to see her and feed her. And one day less that a healthy baby had to pay $$ to be in a NICU where she didn’t belong.

Anyhow that was a super long story and sadly it reflects poorly on our experience with the NICU. However I must say that we LOVED every single nurse who took care of Eliana during her time in the NICU. They were utterly fantastic and the 4th floor NICU was like a Ritz Carlton. We had our own private little room and I know she received the best care ever. My only complaint is that the Dr’s would get their acts together and discuss things in a clear and concise matter. Because regardless of their individual opinions they all need to implement the same plan of care and not give the parents the run around.

So even though her first week was spent in the hospital she came home a healthy and happy baby. Hector and I don’t believe she ever needed to be in the NICU, but the situation is what it is. We now know as parents that we need to speak up and make a stink about things if we don’t like whats going on or we are even the slightest bit confused about the situation. You live and you learn 🙂

A baby story

Published on December 8, 2010 by melissaperea6 Comments

So here we are 14 days into being parents. And now I finally understand why everyone kept telling me to get more sleep… you live and you learn 🙂

Anyhow let me get to the point of this post – Eliana’s Birth Story 🙂
For those of you who dislike the details of birth stories you probably won’t want to read this. I promise to spare any gruesome details, however I want to share as much of my experience as possible. Not to mention if I don’t write it down now chances are in a few more days I will forget how it all happened! So we start this long journey of how our dear Eliana came into the world on the morning of November 19th, 2010.

It was approximately 5am when I got up out of bed and started having my first contractions. The funny thing was that somehow I knew it was coming. The night before I was super emotional and had a heightened sensitivity toward everything around me. I canceled my initial plans to go out with a group of girls from my church because I felt like at any moment I might burst into tears. So instead I got ready for bed and called it a night. Which I am glad I did because I had no idea what the following 33 hours would have in store for me.

When I woke up at 5am, I didn’t tell Hector. I wanted to make sure that I was truly going into Labor so I went to the living room and started counting my contractions. **For all of my “still-pregnant” friends, there is this awesome contractions calculator on thebump.com. It seriously helps with keeping track of your contractions when your incoherent. So after an hour of consistent contractions I decided to go poke Hector and tell him that he might not be going into work. My contractions from the very beginning were 2-3 minutes apart and lasting anywhere from 30-50 seconds. I had an appointment scheduled for that morning with my midwife to have my membranes stripped so I decided to go in as planned and have her check me and make sure all was okay.

In my opinion these pictures are evidence that I married one of the most amazing men on the planet

and waited 4.5 years to have kids with him

and could rest assured knowing that he would be by my side the entire 33 hours

of the most exhaustive Labor ever.

Our love has grown even more and it has opened the door of understanding

as to how much God truly loves us.

I went in at 8:30am to see Rita and I was pretty bummed to find out that I was only 1 cm dilated and 75% effaced. I thought considering my contractions were relatively close that I was lucky enough to be progressing quickly. That morning when she asked me what my pain level was I told her a 7 on a scale of 10. Little did I know that I would retract that number and change it to a 3 after experiencing transition 27 hours later.

Hector and I went home from the appointment and I decided to chill on the couch while he went into work for a few hours to tie up some loose ends. I was feeling pretty good considering I was still very much in early labor. I called my parents to give them the heads up and even though I told them to take their time, the eager grandparents arrived at our house around 1:30pm. My sister showed up around 3:30pm and at this point our house was full. I was sitting on a yoga ball laboring in the living room while everyone else watched tv and to be honest the distraction of all the activity was rather nice. I was texting the entire time as well so that’s a major sign of me not being in hard labor.

He seriously never let go of my hand and never stopped encouraging me.

Hector cuts Eliana’s cord 🙂

Eliana meeting Dad for the first time.

And then she poops on him for the first time as well!

Our little chunker getting weighed as…

Mommy gets put back together again.

My sister was there with me for the last 6 hours of Labor as well. She was incredible and although wanted to laugh at my reaction to contractions was an awesome support. Especially when I was getting stitched up.

My contractions continued to increase in strength, but were still about 2-3 minutes apart and a little less then a minute in length. At around 5:30pm (10 hours into laboring) we decided to head to the birthing center. My mom was getting nervous that I was progressing quickly and a part of me was anxious to see if I had progressed at all. The car ride wasn’t fun by any means, but it wasn’t unbearable. Once we arrived I was escorted into the triage room to be checked by the midwife and assessed to see if I could be admitted. Unfortunately I was only 2 cm dilated and 40% effaced (apparently I backtracked on that part). I was sooooo bummed. The midwife proceeded to strip my membranes in order to make my labor progress quicker. She then told me to walk the hallways for 2 hours and come back around 8pm to get checked again.

So lots and lots of pacing the hallways and enduring contractions that were progressively getting worse and finally the clock struck 8pm. I was checked again and it was good, but not great news. I was at 3cm and 80% effaced. Since I had progressed in that 2 hour time frame they decided to admit me and give me a room. A part of me was grateful and another part of me was thinking “How long is this going to take?! I am only at 3cm, I still have 7 more to go”. Needless to say it had been a long day and the night would be even longer.

Once we got settled in I basically was jumping around from rocking chair to yoga ball to regular chair and then back to rocking chair in an attempt to manage my contractions. They checked me again at midnight (4 hours later) and I was still 3cm and 90% effaced. At this point it took everything in me to not want to cry, but somehow I managed. Hector was extremely supportive and encouraging. He continuously reminded me that I was doing great and that I would get through this. About 3 hours later they checked me again and I had progressed to 4cm and 90% effaced still. I was somewhat happier, but I was honestly crossing my fingers for 7cm. Apparently that was wishful thinking.

Our first and last few moments with her before she was rolled away to the NICU

This should be an encouragement to all women going natural – if I can look this happy just mere hours after delivering her it obviously isn’t that bad 🙂

The nurse and midwife could tell that I was getting exhausted. I couldn’t relax enough to sleep and I had been up for almost 24 hours. They offered me “therapeutic rest” via injection. Basically its like drinking a 6 pack of beer. Its an anti-nausea medicine that helped me relax enough to sleep. I don’t remember much about getting it except that I felt super tired. They said it might allow me to get about 3-4 hours of sleep so Hector and I laid down in my room and slept. Unfortunately 1 hour later I was up again and sitting back in the rocking chair. I let Hector sleep since I knew he had to be pretty exhausted.

I didn’t get checked again until about 7am and I had progressed to 5cm. It was a battle of my mind to keep myself thinking positive thoughts. I really had to focus on the fact that at least I was still progressing and not stopping or regressing because that can happen as well. The time was really a blur and between walking the hallways and rocking in the chair it somehow managed to go by. It was at this point they decided to bind my belly with an elastic belly band. They felt that Eliana was balled up at the front of my belly instead of moving down into my birth canal. The band felt awesome. The pressure it put on my stomach relieved some of the tension from the contractions. And apparently they knew what they were doing. When they checked me at 10am I was 7cm!!!! Yahoo was all I could think. It wasn’t 10cm, but I had gone 2 cm in 3 hours instead of 1 cm in 10 hours. So things were finally starting to move along.

At this point they decided on 2 things 1.) they broke my water and 2.) they started filling up the tub so I could labor in there during transition. When they broke my water they did find a little of meconium in my fluid, but thankfully it wasn’t enough to have me moved down to Labor and Delivery. An hour later I was in the tub and experiencing what I now know to be “transition”. If I though the first 30 hours of labor was difficult, it was nothing compared to the last 3. From 11am to 1:45pm I labored in the tub and was checked every hour. I progressed from 7 to 8 to 9 to almost 10cm each hour. These 3 hours were the hardest thing I have ever experienced in life. At this point my contractions were actually 3-4 minutes apart and lasting for about 1min 30 seconds. And all I can say is that I am so grateful for those 3-4 minute breaks. They were my saving grace.

A little bit before 2pm they had me get out of the tub to change positions and see if gravity would get me to the final full 10cm. Before I knew it I was lying on the bed and pushing. And boy did that feel good. Instead of trying to survive my contractions I was able to use them and work with them to get her out. I pushed for 27 minutes and she came into the world at exactly 2:22pm. Finally RELIEF!! My sister and my husband were there for the entire thing. They witnessed what they felt was the most amazing experience ever. When she came out she was put directly on my chest and I was just in a state of shock and awe. My sister and Hector were staring at me like they had seen a ghost. Apparently watching the actual birth is a whole lot different then being the one delivering.

At this point I felt like a million bucks. It was so nice to have her out. I was starving so my sister was feeding me cheez-its while Hector cut the cord and the midwife tried to finish things up “downstairs”. However she had to call in reinforcements because I tore pretty bad. The midwives can only do repairs on 2nd degree tears, but I had a 4th so the surgeons from downstairs had to come finish the job. After the midwife had spent an hour already trying to suture me up the Urogynecologists from Labor and Delivery were sent up and spent 2 more hours putting me back together. The worst part was that I had to leave Eliana. Hector stayed in the room with her and then I was taken to triage. I was super bummed. Not even an hour into this world I was already having to say goodbye. Not cool.

Thankfully my sister came with me. If I hadn’t just experienced 33 hours of labor I probably would’ve been terrified knowing that they were going to be suturing up my most sensitive parts for over 2 hours. But they did a great job numbing me with lidocaine so I didn’t feel too much going on down there. My nurse eventually came in to tell me that Eliana was a whopping 9lbs 2oz and 20 inches (later to be corrected at 22 inches). There was a definite sigh from all the other nurses and the 2 surgeons in the room and it was followed with “So that’s how you tore….”. I was shocked. My midwife estimated Eliana at 7 to 7 1/2 lbs, but apparently ultrasounds and even guessing fetal size with your hands is only correct 50% of the time. So really its totally unreliable.

Finally the 2 hours were over and I was sent back to my room where my wonderful husband and gorgeous baby girl were waiting for me. I was really just bummed that I missed them weigh and measure her, but I am glad I got fixed. Once I was back to the room I was feeling great and honestly just wanted to see my family and Hector’s family and share my feelings of excitement and joy. And my awesome sister in law had brought us In N Out for dinner and I was so ready to chow down.

Even though I felt like adopting during my last 3 hours of labor

I can see in these photos that she was worth every

hour of pain, discomfort and exhaustion.

We had wonderful visits from family and friends for the next few hours and I can’t explain how happy and joyful I was. It was like I never even went through the previous 33 hours of labor. It was beautiful. And then God throws another curve ball into the mix and the joyous feeling is paused. At 10:00pm Eliana wasn’t breathing properly and the perinatologist from the NICU wheeled her downstairs for testing. So here I was for the 2nd time in her first day a part of this world, saying goodbye to my daughter. Hector and I didn’t even know how to respond. We just sort of sat and stared…

Eliana’s Birth Story Part II: Being in the NICU – To be continued

After 33 hours of Labor…

Published on November 22, 2010 by melissaperea9 Comments

Born: 11/20/2010
Weighing: 9lbs 2 oz!!
Length: 22 inches

Why we chose what we chose….

In case you haven’t realized people are really passionate about names. They either love a name or hate a name and they will go to great lengths to explain their likes or dislikes. Its for this very reason that Hector and I kept our mouths shut (for the most part) about our daughters name until she was born. We also wanted to meet her before making any concrete decisions in case we changed our minds. So because of this I wanted to name her something that came from us as parents and wasn’t influenced by our family and friends dislikes or likes. It’s really hard to keep a name when an Aunt, Grandmother or really close friend explains how much they HATE a name you have chosen as a possibility. However, most people will keep their mouths shut (at least to your face) if the child has already been born and the name announced. So please take note that if you don’t like this name I DON’T CARE and I DON’T want your negative opinion about it. Eliana is not your child and thus not your responsibility to name so deal with it. Also it’s not like I named her Egypt, Apple or Bon Qui Qui… I mean really it could be worse.

So this is how it all began…

We first fell in love with Eliana because of how it sounded and the fact that it is a Spanish name. I have no idea when or how we found it but we stumbled upon it and it was always the #1 name in the back of our heads. Other contenders were Liliana, Isla, Alexis and Eva, but none of them really captured us like Eliana did. After doing some research on what the name meant I was pretty much sold for several reasons.

First – In Hebrew Eliana means “God has answered me” or “God has answered my prayer”. I thought that was awesome. We definitely prayed that getting pregnant wouldn’t be hard and that we could have children abundantly, but you forget that God answers those prayers and its not just “luck”. Secondly – In Latin it is derived from the family name Aelianus meaning of the sun. This is a random association, but for those of you who don’t know, my sorority pledge name is Sunstone and my nickname has become Sunny. Thirdly – In Greek it is associated with meaning “daughter of the sun” and Lastly – in Arabic it means “the Bright”. Overall I loved every single meaning I could muster up on the internet. So I was happy I wasn’t naming her something that meant “a grassy knoll” or “black tar”.

Then we moved onto middle names. The middle name was the hardest to find, but the easiest to eventually decide on. I love unisex names and I also like names that aren’t necessarily on the top 100 list. So I had names like Riley, Quinn, Blake, Parker and Berlin on our “middle names” list. After throwing around Reese for a few days I found that I had really wanted a middle name with 1 syllable since her first and last have many. This creates a name that is easy to say in comparison to one that is a “mouthful” and seems wordy. Her full name is 4 syllables, 1 syllable and 3 syllables. So it flows well. I know it may seem crazy to have so much thought put into a name, but seriously its not like she is a dog that I can name anything and it doesn’t really matter. Then lastly, I fell in love with the meaning of Reese as well. In English it means “Fiery/Ardent” and in Welsh it means “Enthusiastic”. I thought both would be fitting for her 🙂

So in the end we know that she probably won’t always be called “Eliana”, but we are more then open to all forms of nicknames including but not limited too – Elle, Ellie, Liana, Elia, or even calling her by her middle name Reese because I love it that much. I am sure my family will find several nicknames to call her that don’t even pertain to her real name. Example: My entire family (on my Dad’s side) calls me “Stubby”. I am not even sure if I have ever heard them call me Melissa. My Uncle even made up a song that incorporates my nickname into it. Personally, I love it 🙂 It shows they love me and makes me feel special. To me nicknames are meant to be a form of endearment and some of her “Auntie” and “Uncles” from the sorority and fraternity have already dubbed her “Cholula”. And truth be told if Uncle Cho wants to call her Cholula I am 100% in support of it.

So that is the story of how we came to name our first born daughter. I hope you enjoyed it 🙂

Belly Casting 101

Published on November 18, 2010 by melissaperea4 Comments

So because my daughter has decided to take her dear sweet time I actually had the awesome opportunity of casting my belly at 40 weeks and 1 day! They generally recommend you do the casting at least 2 weeks prior to your due date in case you deliver early, but obviously my child is in no apparent rush to get out.

My sister-in-law Val bought me this casting kit made by Pearhead. You can pick it up at Babies R Us for $19.99 or scrounge your local TJ Maxx, Ross or Marshalls and score it for the low price of $12.99 🙂 She always finds the good deals. I loved the kit and it made it super easy to do the belly cast so I would highly recommend going this route if its your first time. If you have done it before then just buy the plaster strips, vaseline and drop cloth separately. It will probably be super cheap.

Next, you need to find someone you don’t mind being partially naked with 🙂 So if your husband is up to the task ask him to help you. But if he isn’t then call up your sister, your mom or anyone whom you feel comfortable with. I had my sister Heather do it for me and she did a FANTASTIC job. I mean its really not that difficult, but if you ask someone who doesn’t have patience or is horrible with directions it could turn out to be a hideous mess.

Then you basically follow these simple steps:
1.) Disrobe to your waist. I would suggest wearing full butted underwear and nothing else so that your pants/socks/shoes don’t get plaster on them.
2.) Apply Vaseline EVERYWHERE you plan on putting the plaster. Be generous and make sure you don’t miss any spots. The plaster feels like pulling off duct tape on your hair if you don’t cover yourself with Vaseline. My sister got a little overzealous on plastering my sides and hips (where I didn’t put vaseline) and it was not fun pulling it off. Everywhere else it just slid right off so if you cover yourself well you will be fine.
3.) Cut the plaster strips into 3 different lengths. Short about 5 inches for your breasts, Medium about 7-9 inches for your upper belly and lower belly and long about 12+ inches for your mid belly where its largest.
4.) Whoever is applying the strips should wear plastic gloves because it gets messy. Then they dip the strips one at a time into a bowl of water and then apply to your body. Each area should have about 3 layers of strips to ensure a hard enough cast. You don’t have to apply in a perfect manner. In fact overlapping and going different directions will just ensure better coverage and a stronger cast.
5.) Once you are done casting the belly wait about 5-10 minutes to ensure that all areas of the plaster have dried. The cast itself should start to pull away from your body as it dries. Then you simply pull it away and let it sit somewhere for at least 24 hours to fully cure.

At this point you are technically done. But there are several options to finishing the cast and hanging it as art if you choose to go this route.
1. First after the cast has dried for a day hold it up to the light and see if there are any weak spots in your plaster where light shines through. If there is apply a few plaster strips on the inner side of the cast to strengthen these weak spots.
2. Trim the edges so that they are clean and look finished.
3. Sand the cast lightly and then apply joint compound if you want a super smooth appearance. Then sand again after the compound dries. If you don’t mind the rough appearance just skip to step 4.
4. The final step is applying a layer of art gesso so that it has that shiny finished appearance. You might apply 2+ coats as you do this step and feel free to lightly sand in between layers to ensure a smooth even coverage.
5. At this point you can leave the cast as is or paint it as you feel necessary. Many people put the name and date of birth of their baby and others do footprints and hand prints. It’s really up to you 🙂

Here are some pictures of my experience with casting so you can get a better idea of what it looks like. Enjoy!

I plan on sanding and finishing mine. And maybe painting it similar to this one that I found on the internet. I did the shoulder strap as recommended on the box, but I like the look without it so I am going to trim it down to match the other one.

I love the simplicity of the decorating on this one and how they included her name, date of birth and weight/length. Super cute!

300…

Published on November 17, 2010 by melissaperea3 Comments

So apparently one of the many side effects of pregnancy is crazy dreams. And I have to admit I have woken up several times with the most random people in my dreams. People I haven’t spoken to since Jr. High and other people whom I have never met and I always asked myself how they got in my head. Well a few nights ago was no exception. I think since I was near my due date and I had that fear factor of birthing and everything I began having dreams to boost my confidence. Well this is the craziness that I dreamed….

If you have never watched the movie 300 then you probably won’t get this, but I encourage you to watch this trailer of the movie (fyi the movie is rated R and is definitely racy, but its great if you can get past that). The trailer will give you an idea of the music that was playing inside my head during my dream and one of the exact scenes I dreamed of was in that trailer. It wasn’t an overly long dream, but basically there is one scene where King Leonidas’s wife is responding to a messenger that was sent on behalf of King Xerxes. The messenger wanted to know why Greek woman had influence/control over Greek men. (At this point in the movie King Leonidas was asking his wife what he should/shouldn’t do in response to the message sent from Xerxes). And Leonidas’s wife responded to the messenger with a simple “Only Spartan women give birth to Spartan men”. In essence saying that Greek men wouldn’t exist without Greek woman to birth them so they see each other as equals where in most other cultures women were held below men and were not used for counsel in any matter.

So basically in my head I was chanting “Spartan Woman give birth to Spartan Men” over and over again in my dream. And then following that I dreamed about the scene (its in the trailer) where King Leonidas looks at his wife (during the conversation with the messenger) and she gives him a nod. He then proceeds to kick the messenger in slow motion to this really awesome rock song and he goes flying in the air and falls into this tunnel to his death. This was King Leonidas telling King Xerxes you can go fly a kite because they won’t submit to slavery. (**killing a messenger was like an abomination since he was just delivering the ‘message’ so that was a big no no).

Anyhow, after that I woke up and I had the theme music in my head and I couldn’t stop replaying the words “Spartan Woman give birth to Spartan Men” over and over. I found it hilarious. I told Hector about my dream and his response… “Do you think your having a boy?” I about died. I said no our daughter is going to be a GIRL, however I apparently think role playing as a Greek Queen during Labor and chanting the words “Spartan Woman give birth to Spartan Men” will make labor easier for me. (maybe I will even dye my hair black and wear a Grecian robe and have a banner above my hospital bed that says “Prepare for Glory” – see picture above)

At the very least this will give me something amusing to think about when our daughter does decide to get this Labor going. And who knows maybe saying those words will help me. Although I am pretty sure I am a “White Woman giving birth to a Half White/Half Latin baby girl”, but for some reason that doesn’t have the same powerful ring to it.

Oh well 🙂

**p.s. the real quote is actually “Only spartan women give birth to real men”, but in my head I said Spartan Men so I went with what I actually dreamed. And just so I don’t get a bunch of comments from people correcting me… Yes, I am aware that isn’t the real quote, but just go with it k.