Weird Internet Stalkers

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I almost always get sidetracked by Facebook or my child or cleaning or a phone call or texting or reading when I sit down and try to write. Even if I save my writing until 8:00pm after the kiddo is in bed and most of my friends, family and *weird internet stalkers have more important things to do (weird internet stalkers the only exception) distractions are always present. It’s gotten to the point where I have literally disabled my internet.

Unfortunately, doing that only frustrated me when I needed those “breaks”. The problem is my 10 minute breaks always turn into a week long vacation on the island of Facebook. Grrr. Somehow, I still manage to find a way to put down some words. I do really need to learn better self-control though. I’m working on it.

Here’s a bit that I fell in love with tonight during my re-read. 

“Stepping out of the car, I felt like the air had turned into thick molasses. The simplest movements required so much physical exertion. Closing the door, I placed both hands on the top of the car and tried to get my breathing under control. What had changed since the last time we were together? I stared into the driver side window and narrowed my eyes in confusion. Is this what love feels like? There was so much painful doubt and anticipation. Before, everything seemed so natural between us. Now, I felt like there was this unseen force-field flowing around me- it was simultaneously telling me to run into the house and kiss the hell out of her and get in my car and run away.” – Javier

I hope it made you squirm 🙂

xoxo

*weird internet stalkers: you know who you are and I still love you. Why? Because I party with you all day and most nights. We are kindred spirits. Keep up the good work.

Conclusion

Published on by melissaperea8 Comments

I came to the conclusion the other day that I need to stop caring what people will think about what I write. And no, I’m not talking about getting bad reviews or people complaining about how I write. I’m talking about content and my word choices.

My world is comprised of a very diverse group of people. Conservatives, liberals, democrats, republicans, straight, gay, christian, atheist, muslim, catholic, black, white, mexican, egyptian, korean, short people, tall people, fat people, skinny people, singles, married couples, people who enjoy alcohol A LOT, people who enjoy it a little and people who hate it. With that being said there is no way on God’s green earth that I am going to please everyone. It just isn’t possible. Plus, my point isn’t to please you with my writing. It’s hopefully to teach you something and share a piece of my heart with you. If you can’t read it for what it is then don’t read it.

My mother and I had an interesting conversation the other day about whether or not she would read my book. She said she probably wouldn’t. And that’s fine. I think my story would probably scare her to pieces, being that she is the most precious, innocent little bug on the planet and I would hate to have her be squashed by my words. The funny thing is I’m a lot like her, but somehow I’ve managed to stumble upon this story and these characters that are the exact opposite. I guess since I know I’m writing “characters” that are separate from me that I can see the difference. I realize not many people can do this.

More often then not, people assume that the writer is the writing and not just the writer. Don’t get me wrong there are pieces of me all over the book. Either in the characters personalities, their likes/dislikes or maybe how they respond to certain things. But let me make it very clear that my characters are not me. Writers are creative people and thus have the ability to make-up a plethora of crazy shiz. Seriously. So hopefully when you read Nate dropping f*bombs and his mother and father participating in a myriad of evil you won’t think WOW this girl is one sadistic little wench.

Because guess what – I AM NOT.

If anything I hope this showcases my talent as a writer- to have the ability to write things in which I have little to no experience with. Because dark and emotionally heart-wrenching situations are pretty much the exact opposite of my life.

At the end of the day my goal is two fold:
1. That my writing causes you to think. Whether it changes your perspective on things or how you approach people or anything really, I want to get your wheels turning.
2. That you are able to taste every page. I want the words to melt in your mouth like a Thanksgiving Day feast.

Even if you hate it at the end, but you can say yes to those 2 things, then personally, I will have succeeded. There’s not much else to it for me.



How to Hate

Published on by melissaperea1 Comment

“No one is born hating another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.” – Nelson Mandela

When I first started out writing, I thought I was going to write about this one specific thing and then that turned into 5 different things which have all now been trimmed back down to one specific thing. Hate. I know, I know, its nothing new or ingenious or particularly mouth watering, but it is what it is. 

I stumbled upon the quote above after a friend of mine posted it on Facebook. It really hit me and helped me formulate a distinct focus for my book and where I was going to take it all. Now, I just hope to put it out all down on paper the way its floating around up in my mind.

The only wall I am hitting is that my book is all sorts of ugly. Which doesn’t bother me, but honestly I’m afraid of what all of my friends and family will think when reading it. Our sweet, little Melissa wrote THIS?!?! But, in order for me to show you how hate can be taught, I have to show you where it comes from and the source isn’t pretty. I mean I could show you simplistic versions of hate, but then where’s the passion and emotion in all of that.

My point to all of this is that I really believe if someone can be taught to hate then they can also be taught to love. So my desire is to show you the worst forms of hate and then the ugly process it takes to love in spite of it all. 

For me, Love will never fail and I hope my books portray that.

In the Year of 1492

Published on by melissaperea2 Comments

Almost two years ago I wrote this post. It was at the time, a very lofty idea of mine and I honestly didn’t think I would follow-up with it. Between now and then A LOT has changed.

Today I hit 12k on my first novel. Not a lot considering my end goal is 80-90k, but it’s a start. I developed the idea for this story awhile ago, but didn’t really allow it to consume me until recently. Honestly, my biggest hesitation in writing was my fear of rejection from publishers. I’ve read so many blog posts about how hard querying is and how you need to be ready for dozens and dozens of “No, were not interested” before you got that gold letter of acceptance. I just didn’t think it was worth my time.

Well, about 9 months ago I stumbled upon the world of indie-publishing or self-publishing and its totally changed my life. Ninety percent of the books I read now are from authors who do not have a publishing contract. They basically woke up, wrote a book and uploaded it to amazon. That of course is a major understatement, but the point is that they did everything themselves. In a sense they are their own boss and truth be told, that appeals to me more than anything. Continue reading “In the Year of 1492” →

Kill them with Kindness

Published on by melissaperea1 Comment

I’ve had a recent revelation about parenting and its completely changed my entire perspective on how I approach Eliana. It’s funny because its so simple, and yet, the simplicity of it, is what has caused us to overlook it.

It’s my opinion, that parents these days try too hard.

Please note the words MY and OPINION. I am not a parenting expert and being that I have only been on the job for roughly 17 months I still have a lot to learn, but I still have my opinions and we are all entitled to them. So, yes, I think parents try too hard. They are either trying too hard to TEACH them everything under the sun so they can show the world how they have created midget-Einstein-genius-freaks or they are trying too hard to please them in effort to keep them in a 24/7 blissed-out coma. Either way, I think their heart is in the right place and they mean well, but its not a style of parenting I personally want to adopt (although I am guilty of doing both).

My recent parental awareness, shall we say, came from one simple little word: kindness.

Which, you might be thinking hmmm how odd. Kindness? Yes, you heard me right, kindness. It’s not something that I believe parents think about all too often when it comes to their kids. For the most part we try to spend our days loving them, disciplining them, providing for them and caring for them, but showing them kindness? For me at least, it wasn’t really on my radar. Continue reading “Kill them with Kindness” →

A Rationally-Irrational Fear

Published on by melissaperea2 Comments

I am pretty sure I just made up the term “rationally-irrational”, but sometimes double negatives are a necessity in life.

You see, I have an irrational fear of having a second child, but this irrational fear is technically made rational when you understand my predicament. Therefore, I have a rationally-irrational fear of procreating for a second time. In my mind it makes sense, but sometimes my mind is a very interesting place to reside.

If I could explain to you how I feel via nursery rhymes it would go something like this….

This was the least frightening humpty picture I could find.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses, And all the King’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty back together again!

Now I know your utterly confused, but stick with me here. Most people would assume that after having one kid the second would be a walk-in-the-park. Sort of going with the whole been-there done-that mentality. And of course there is that concept that Mother’s apparently forget what goes on in the delivery room and that’s why we end up rushing to have a 2nd, 3rd and possibly even a 4th, when just 9 months before we were literally wondering why we ever decided to have children in the first place, as you attempt to push a 26 cm head out of a 10 cm hole.

But as much as I would like to think I have forgotten, I don’t really think I was blessed with this so-called delivery amnesia. And to be honest its not really the delivery that was the problem for me, but more-so the post-delivery circumstances that have my panties in knots whenever I even remotely entertain the idea of getting a sperm to reach one of my eggs. Seriously, I have to work hard to suppress the mild anxiety attacks that threaten to overwhelm me and to top it off these feelings are intermixed with the giddiness & joy of adding to our family. Which, I dream about often and want more then anything else in the world (except possibly our trip to Italy in the fall, kidding, well maybe just a little bit). Continue reading “A Rationally-Irrational Fear” →

Hello world!

Published on by melissaperea1 Comment

Welcome to WordPress.com. After you read this, you should delete and write your own post, with a new title above. Or hit Add New on the left (of the admin dashboard) to start a fresh post.

Here are some suggestions for your first post.

  1. You can find new ideas for what to blog about by reading the Daily Post.
  2. Add PressThis to your browser. It creates a new blog post for you about any interesting  page you read on the web.
  3. Make some changes to this page, and then hit preview on the right. You can always preview any post or edit it before you share it to the world.

It takes a village

Published on by melissaperea6 Comments

Therapy is expensive. So when I am having “bad days” I write about them because it’s therapeutic and free. Some posts get published and others are set-aside for my eyes only or to be re-written or re-worked at a later date. But today, today, I find myself writing in the moment and there will probably be many errors as you read this, but when I get emotionally worked up about stuff it just spews out of my mouth and I don’t stop to think whether or not it sounds good.

Today I am having a bad day. And I realize that lots of us have bad days. Many, most, actually probably 90% of other bad days, I know, would be considered WAY worse. But nonetheless here I am writing about mine.

Today my bad day is the result of so many things, but the culmination of those things seems to be the reality that Motherhood is hard. Or can be hard, or has moments of extreme hardness, in which I speak of the trials & tribulations we face and not the perception that Motherhood has a sense of density in relation to being “hard”. Anyhow….

I am in the middle of a transitional phase with our daughter and it is wearing me thin. No longer a “baby” she is entering the toddler phase of life like a bullet from a gun and its been difficult trying to find a daily rhythm. Her naps are changing, her attitude is changing, and her entire being is changing. Since its my first go at this, everything is new and so I am learning every day. And I am slowly realizing that my 4 year college degree did nothing to prepare me for it. Continue reading “It takes a village” →

It’s Not Enough

Published on by melissaperea2 Comments

I find writing to be very therapeutic. Especially when it’s my attempt to unload something that has been plaguing my mind & will eventually make it down to my heart. And I hate it when it reaches my heart because although the eyes are closer to the mind it’s the pain of the heart that causes the tears.

Sometimes I write with an uncensored state of mind not caring who may come across these words, but I feel that if I don’t explain the context of today’s feelings I very well might end up getting pushed off the edge of a pier. For all of you who disagree with my point of view please don’t contemplate throwing rocks at me. We all have our own story, our own goals, our own desires out of life and just because they don’t align doesn’t make either of us right or wrong.

For the past couple days, hell maybe its been weeks (it’s hard to navigate the inner workings of oneself) I have felt for lack of a better word, bereft. And after spending unlimited hours trying to figure out why I have felt this way it sort of just fell out of my mouth this morning. And so here I am about to drop a very loaded question on all of you. Like nuclear loaded.

Is being a mother enough for you? Continue reading “It’s Not Enough” →