Loving Motherhood

2D11A6D8-2EB9-4E36-ABBB-4A6C21BCEC4AI’m in a stage of my life right now where 99% of my time is spent in my pajamas, at home, smelling like breast milk and poop and ketchup and raisins. It’s not very glamorous.

But guess what?

I’m in love. I’m in love with Motherhood. I’m in love with the fact that my entire day is focused solely on making sure an almost three year old and an almost three month old survive to see another day. I’m in love with the fact that cheerios are a main source of my daily diet and that I’ve memorized the theme song to Dora. I’m in love with the fact that sometimes Roma cries during every nap unless I hold her. So the dishes don’t get done. The laundry is still sitting in the washing machine–wet and mildewy–waiting to be washed for a third time since I keep forgetting to transfer it to the dryer. The floors are covered in crumbs and the toilets haven’t been scrubbed in weeks.

I. Am. In. Love.

I’m in love with the fact that sometimes I get woken up at various hours in the night to ease a gassy tummy, calm the screams of a nightmare, massage the cramping foot of a growing toddler, and feed a hungry baby. I’m in love with the fact that one of these little humans knows that my name is Mom, Mommy, and Momma. I’m in love with the fact that the other little human is tracking my voice and smiling at my face and wanting me to hold her. To rock her. To cuddle with her. To just spend hours staring at her.

I’m in love with the fact that I have to drink coffee in order to stay awake and that my belly sags over my underwear. I’m in love with the fact that I have two scars that show the lengths I went through to have this love. These little loves. My little loves. I’m in love with the fact that one of them likes to wear high heels while she waters the plants and the other likes to be splashed in the face with water during bath time. Continue reading “Loving Motherhood”

A Baby Story…

For some odd reason I didn’t consider writing out Roma’s birth story. Since I was having a scheduled cesarean it didn’t feel like there was much to tell other than I went in, they numbed me and then a few cuts and badda bing badda boom we had a BABY!! Thankfully I have awesome friends who remind me that no matter how a baby comes into this world, the story and adventure is still unique and wonderful.

The night before my c-section Hector and I told Eliana we were taking her out for a special farewell dinner. We had spent that whole weekend saying goodbye to our current family dynamic and opening up the door for the new one that was coming. It wasn’t a sad celebration, but we wanted her to understand that it wasn’t just going to be the three of us anymore. That another addition was coming and that she had big responsibilities ahead of her.

We ended up at BJ’s because anything worth celebrating or saying farewell to deserves pizookie! (If you don’t know what I’m talking about I am so so sorry). Oddly, I was calm and full of peace the whole night. We put her to bed knowing it would be our last time the concept of just the three of us existed. It was bittersweet. We read a story, said our prayers and then said goodnight.

The next morning I got up, showered, shaved my legs, straightened my hair, put on makeup and glitter lotion (yes, sparkly glitter lotion all over my belly) and headed to the hospital. I thought at some point I’d be wigging out. But as was my experience with natural labor during E’s birth I had hit that focused, inner-calm-mentality. I was ready. I was going to do this. And I would stop thinking about the giant ass needle that would soon penetrate my spine.

We checked in, signed a billion papers and then kicked it for two hours. My sister showed up in just enough time to provide comic relief via music since my Dr. was thirty minutes late. Every minute that ticked by after my originally scheduled 11:30am appt was another minute I should’ve been closer to being done, but was unfortunately just sitting in a hospital gown waiting… and waiting… and waiting. The needle growing larger by the second.

Finally, when my Dr. showed I had to be ready. It was now or never. My anesthesiologist joked about running away… little did he know how much I actually wanted to.

As they wheeled me into the bright white operating room, with that wonderful fresh sterile scent all I could think about was the bug bite I found on my butt that morning and whether or not the anesthesiologist would be able to see it when I turned onto my side. I even considered putting cover up on it, but thought a dark creamy spot would look more awkward than a red irritated dot. Plus, I’m sure he had seen worse butts. Or hoping he had seen worse butts. The likelihood was high, right?

So there we were. A dozen bodies running about this bright white room with absolutely no concern that they would be cutting several layers deep into my abdomen and then pulling out a baby. I mean we went into the room as a team of 12 and would be exiting with one extra! They all seemed so calm, chill and routine. I wanted to scream. Make sure none of them had been drinking the night before. Ask my Dr. if she was sure she was prepared to do this. Continue reading “A Baby Story…”

Roma. Roma? Roma!

Our second daughter Roma Eve Perea was born on Monday, July 15th, 2013 weighing in at 7lbs 6oz and 19in long. Just a wee little one in comparison to Eliana! And I’d like to make a statement to the random guy in the parking lot at Home Depot who yelled at me across several cars and said, “It’s a Boy!”… well it looks like you were wrong.

And in the best way possible. Because Eliana is now blessed with the wonderful responsibility of having a little sister and this relationship couldn’t thrill me more. I have an older sister–14 months older–so we are really close. Growing up we fought like cats and dogs, but five seconds later we were the best of friends. These days we rarely fight if at all. She’s been my protector, my best friend, my teacher and a secondary mother. I wouldn’t change or give up our relationship for anything. She’s the best. And for that reason alone I had hoped for a girl this go around. Someone Eliana could confide in, learn from and be best friends with. I’m ecstatic to watch the two of them grow up. It’s going to be awesome.

So back when we named our first born, we explained how important the process was for us and everything we considered when choosing. For our second born this was no different, but this name holds special meaning to us. It’s a bit unconventional and might throw some people off from our usual focus of Spanish names, but we think it fits well next to Eliana and I’m stoked that we discovered it.

Continue reading “Roma. Roma? Roma!”

Paperback Giveaway and More!

imagesWant to win a signed paperback of Seeds of Hate? Enter the Goodreads contest below or join in on my Blog Tour hosted by The Book Avenue! All throughout the week of my release (July 15th – July 21st) there will be random giveaways featuring signed paperbacks and amazon gift cards.

 

 

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Goodreads Book Giveaway

Seeds of Hate by Melissa Perea

Seeds of Hate

by Melissa Perea

Giveaway ends August 30, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Cover Reveal

I’ve been dying to share my cover with all of you and I’m so happy this day has finally come. But before we all stare at the beautiful image (unless you scroll down like a mad man before reading, which I would do, okay go do it, we shall pause and wait for you to return….)

Back? Ok, then let’s start with some background information.

The cover image was taken by Heather Bowser my awesome sister and photographer extraordinaire. She’s working on her website, but for now you can just comment on how epic this photo is below. Continue reading “Cover Reveal”

Wow. Just Wow.

So I dropped my first revised draft into the hands of my wonderful beta’s this past Wednesday morning and I’m already getting feedback. It’s been humbling and exciting and nerve-wracking and every other emotion in-between. As a writer, we read our work over and over and over again throughout the process and honestly a ton more during editing. When I did my final read-through I didn’t trust it, I didn’t believe it and I thought… “Everyone is going to hate this.”

Thankfully this has not been the case. I’m prepared for the haters, the naysayers, and the debbie-downers because I know books are 100% subjective. I don’t expect everyone to love it, get it or even understand it. But so far people have been and I cannot tell you how much this makes my heart soar.

This last year was full of self-doubt, the desire to give up, and the constant wondering if all this time I spent following a dream was a waste of time. But now I feel like rejoicing and I’m so grateful I said no to sleep, hanging out with friends and having a clean house 24/7 because the reward has been so so sweet. And it’s a great reminder that if it’s worth it to you, then it’s worth the sacrifice. Continue reading “Wow. Just Wow.”

Opinions Not Wanted

I’ve been mulling over a lot of things recently, the most obvious one being my ever growing belly. Every woman who has ever been pregnant or who is pregnant thinks about their delivery. How they will deliver, where they will deliver and the big giant question mark of when will that day come?

Since this is my second go around I’m not nearly as consumed with things as I was before, but I’m also not going the natural midwife route so it changes things. It changes lots of things.

The biggest change has been people’s opinions and honestly their lack of support. Not that I had 100% support when I went natural because honestly people are life-sucking bastards and they apparently feel the need to educate you on their subjective reasoning no matter your personal circumstances. I distinctly remember someone downgrading what my experience would be because I was refusing drugs it went a little something like this… “Why go through all of that pain when it’s so much easier with drugs. I think you’ll regret doing it natural. It’s not worth it.”

And I am so done.

Done.
Done.
DONE. Continue reading “Opinions Not Wanted”

Mourning Motherhood

I’m roughly five months away from giving birth to our second child and although that still seems very far away, I know that I will go to bed tonight and wake up tomorrow and the day will be upon me.

That’s how quickly time passes.

In lieu of this new addition, I recently told a group of my girlfriends that I feel like I’m mourning the loss of my first child and I mean that in the most figurative way. Life with E these past two years and three months has been emotional, overbearing, joyful, exquisite, challenging and rewarding. She was my first and we’ve learned so much together on this road of parent/child and I know that I’m about to rock her world and my own.

Doing things with her now at this age is easy. It’s fun. It’s manageable. But in July my focus will change, my responsibilities will be doubled and my freedom will be squelched, until I learn to adjust to a whole new life.

I know I can do it. I know it will be hard. I know it’s what I want. It’s just the acknowledgement of the change that is equal parts exciting and intimidating.

Eliana has become my best bud, my partner in crime, my eyes to a world that’s 30 inches tall. She’s the only reason worth waking up in the morning before 7am. Pancakes taste sweeter, butterflies are more enchanting, and reading is no longer a selfish pleasure. I look at her and I see half of me and half of her father. A product of love so wonderful that I can only imagine she will be a force to reckon with in the world and I don’t hope, I know she will accomplish great things.

Continue reading “Mourning Motherhood”

Free Birth Control

Readers beware! If you are looking at procreating anytime soon, this may not encourage you. So my suggestion is to avert your eyes, get knocked up and then come back when you are well into your third trimester.

This Life

“Melissa, sweetie.” Says the nurse as she looks at me with a crease dividing her eyes. “We need you to turn over on your side. The baby’s heart beat is dropping and we have to remove the stress.”

My eyes glaze over. I hear her. I understand her. My body complies with the request as I summon the last resources of my strength and shift my naked flesh onto my left hip. Pain from the beginning of time pushes it’s way through my bones. It centers at the apex of my thighs as the pressure of God almighty pours out of me.

“You’re doing great honey. Stay focused. Almost there.”

A large strong palm grips my tiny, pale hand. This reassurance is all it takes. I turn in his direction, lock eyes and the tiniest smile brushes the surface of his dark, flushed cheeks. The bright lights illuminate a salt infused drop of emotion that falls from the corner of his left eye. Time pauses. I follow its trail as it stumbles over the small beard that has developed. We’ve gone through three nurses already.

Continue reading “Free Birth Control”

A Piece of Me

This is my fairy tale.

I debated back and forth about whether or not to share both of these little writing pieces. They were done as an exercise. One is playful and heartwarming. The other is extremely personal, but very sweet.

Alas, I loved them both so I’m just going to throw them your way and see what happens. Thanks to Leslie for her brilliant mind and reminding me once more why I fell for my husband. These words have re-created two of the greatest pictures I hold in my mind.

Two Feet

I hear soft giggles and the tapping of feet coming from the living room. My husband’s deep baritone bounces off the walls. I tip toe around the corner to watch the mischief and my heart smiles.

The playful notes of salsa music float around me and tickle my ears. My hips start to swing as the beat washes over me. Hector is holding our daughter tight in his arms. Her cheeks are round and flushed, eyes glistening with joy.

This is love. This is peace. This is my home.

I join in and grasp my husband’s free hand. Time passes without a single worry or needless concern. These are the moments I live for.

Him, her, me, us. I could survive without them, but like flowers they do not flourish without the sun. What’s a flower if there is no color, no smell, no radiant life?

They are my sun. They are my heart. They are my home.

__________________________________________________________________________

Fearful Want

My high heels scratch across the surface of the hotel carpet. Dancing all night had ruined them. I pull my train up from behind me and shove my dress through the door.

This was it. We were here.

I swallow nervously as I take in the untouched bed, clean sheets & anxious cloud of want that descended when he shut the door behind him. I place a hand at the edge of the comforter and drag my fingertips across the white linen. Looking back over my shoulder I smile as he fidgets with his suit jacket.

He’s scared too.

I take a seat on the chair in the corner and unlock the thin straps around my ankles. Gently, I place them side by side on the floor and wiggle my toes.

My husband takes a seat on the bed, his hands aggressively rubbing the flesh across his knuckles. He looks up at me and smiles shyly. My head tilts to the right, cheeks blushing in response.

“So Wife, what do you want to do?” he says softly.

“I thought it was obvious babe. What else are we suppose to do?” I ask.

“Well, we can count the money we got.” he says with uncertainty.

“Okay. I bet I made more than you! People always like the bride more than the groom. Right?”

“Does it matter? It’s all our money anyways.”

“Yes. Yes, it is.” I jump on the bed and start pouncing on the perfectly creased sheets, while kicking all the pillows to the floor.

“That dress is enormous. You can’t be comfortable. Want me to help you take it off?”

I stop jumping mid-air. My heart freezes. I wanted to be here. I wanted this, but why was I hesitating? I sit down slowly next to him. My legs dangle from the bed, too short to reach the floor. My eyes trail up his body and rest on his lips. “Okay.” I whisper.

I stand up and turn my back toward him. He runs his hand up the back of my right arm, across my shoulder blade and then finally comes to rest on the top of my zipper.

My legs begin to shake as a hungry anticipation awakens inside. His fingers pull down and the cool air tingles as it runs across my anxious flesh.

This was it.

I turn to face him as my dress opens up. I hold the front against me afraid to let it go. His hands gently grab my wrists and he pulls them away. The dress falls into a mound of snow as the heat in the room centers within his eyes.

My lips part and I smile. He is pleased. He loves me and I him. My fear runs away as his passion overcomes my insecurities.

I would’ve waited even longer for him and I’m so glad he waited for me.